But I could have been there. [He knows they're going in circles but he can't assuage the guilt.] I should have known better. I did know better. And now I have to watch and wait and hope that the empty thing that came home from the ruin still holds my child in it somewhere. That the thing that does nothing besides wake and breathe is still my Azriel. [His eyes widen after he says that, like he's realizing what he's saying for the first time. He hasn't spoken about that to anyone--not even to Seel. At home there were too many things to do and not enough time for grief, but Seel had been Azriel's hostling and he had to feel it even more. Which meant more of the stalwart strength for Swift and no chance to admit that it had broken him too.]

If I lose Seel to the waiting too I may not survive it.